New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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