Plan B is the new Plan A
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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