i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
