while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
