the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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