Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
