State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
