Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
