that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
