You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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