based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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