i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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