We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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