you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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