I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
