She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
