i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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