Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
