if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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