My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
