Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dear god my vagina.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
