you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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