I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
