At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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