I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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