I think I won the penis lottery.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
