The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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