Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
