a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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