i think my mom watched the whole time
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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