plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
