didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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