the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What a dumb baby whore.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
