My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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