I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
