Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
