i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize