me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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