Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
