why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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