hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We have started to decorate penises.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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