I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
