That's intense
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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