If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize