Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
