I forgot how hot balto sounded
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
