there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
