He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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