I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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