i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
