Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
