im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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