omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
