Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
