That's intense
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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