Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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