Nicole vs. Life
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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