Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
