We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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