spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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