I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
