This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
soo... how was my night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
